Legal Mumbo Jumbo: After we got my sister and her husband introduced to Dr. Williams and the ball rolling with them last month, I started looking into figuring out who could do the legal work associated with our gestational carrier plans. We knew from talking to Dr. Williams and staff that we would need a contract between us - before they would start the treatment cycle. They gave us a couple attorneys to call - Dr. Williams recommended a lady and Nancy recommended another guy. Thinking that Nancy may be more in touch with the patients' experiences, I called the guy. He was very nice and explained the process. Definitely sounds like he's done this many times and he mentioned he had a template he'd give us - that would have everything in it and then we could take out and change whatever we wanted. Then if my sister gets pregnant, then we'd have to have him get a "Parental Action Form" ready to be filed when the baby is born to get our names on the birth certificate from the state. The contract was going to cost us $2500 and the Parental Action Form was going to be $2500 - so we were looking at $6500. Not really knowing what to expect (though it did seem a little high) - my initial response was more along the lines of "whatever it's going to take" and thinking that if she did get pregnant we'd be happy to be paying the $3500. This lawyer emailed me a few documents right away - along with an article about him being the "Adoption Angel. My husband's initial thoughts were that $6K seemed a little high for the legal formalities required between the 4 of us. He looked into his company's benefits to see what kind of legal assistance they provided - so smart! I looked into mine as well and we learned that my legal benefits (free consultation & 25% off legal fees) were included as part of our Employee Assistance Program. I mean, 25% off $6K is a big deal.
So I called the EAP line and was connected with another local attorney. She was also very nice and also up-front in that she had never dealt with gestational carrier contracts before. She was aware of the difference between traditional surrogacy, but wanted to do some "homework" to see what the Delaware County Courts would require (since that's the county where we live). (Side note: When I was talking to the "Adoption Angel" - he seemed more concerned about where my sister was going to deliver, which doesn't make any sense - because she could deliver the baby out-of-state and that wouldn't matter since we technically live in Ohio.) She explained that it's always best to find out what the courts need, so you don't prepare all of the documents and find out we're missing something. She was already winning more points on "thoroughness" from me. A few days later she called me to let me know that the Delaware County Courts had never had this scenario and didn't know what they would require. The court administrator was going to talk to the judge and get back to her. She called me back a few days later saying that the Delaware County Courts suggested that she talk to the one attorney in Franklin County that had a similar case. She had reached out to the other attorney (with gestational carrier experience in Franklin County). The "other attorney" offered to represent my sister and let the "thorough attorney" represent us. A very gracious offer - but of course the 25% legal fee discount wouldn't apply to the "other attorney" - because that's not who my company hooked me up with.
After talking the "Adoption Angel" and the "thorough attorney," I reached out to my IVF Buddy- who happens to practice immigration law. I gave her the run-down on my encounters with the two attorneys thus far and her immediate reaction was that the $6K was way too high! It would be different if we were using a stranger, but she agreed that since it's my sister - the legal contracts are really just a formality. She offered to look into it and see what she could find out from some of her other friends from law school. Last week, she sent us a contract template that she found online for gestational carriers - we reviewed it and it looked pretty thorough. So next steps are for her secretary to type it up and then we will all meet to review it. We will need separate representation for us and for my sister - we may see if my IVF Buddy's partner can represent one of us. Or we have some other lawyer friends that may be willing to help out as well. And Elphie suggested that I look up the "Parental Action Form" online and I found a copy that looked quite basic and easy to fill out - not sure why it costs $3500 for the "Adoption Angel" to fill out. ;) Either way, we'll figure it out and I'm glad that we have good friends to help us through this piece of it.
I will definitely be providing the doctor's office with a little feedback about the whole legal aspect of it all. I'm sure many people would've followed the path of my initial response of "whatever it takes" and that there's no price tag on becoming parents. And since the recommendations came from the doctor's office - you would hope you're getting the best deal or at least a good deal. I will also definitely be recommending that they tell other patients to check and see what legal benefits their company may offer. If my husband hadn't thought of it, it never would've crossed my mind.
Tests, Tests, & More Tests: We knew that my sister and her husband would have to go through blood tests to make sure they were healthy and didn't have any crazy STDs. I think everyone understands why my sister would need to get tested - since she could be carrying our baby and they need to make sure it's a safe and happy place. Some people have asked why her husband would need to get tested - since he's not really involved in the process. The reason that he has to get tested is because if she does get pregnant - they may decide to have sex (I hope anyway), so we need to make sure he's clean as well. :) In addition to the blood tests, my sister needs to also have a SHG (sonohysterogram) and sounding (to measure her uterus). Some of her test have to be done at a certain time of her cycle. But her friend appeared last week and so she's going in on Tuesday of this week for all of her blood tests and the "under-the-hood" checks as well. I don't think her husband's blood tests depend on his cycle (hee, hee), so we'll have to see when he can get his test scheduled.