After the call, I started googling things on adoption - just to explore other options. I was looking into a local agency and just started feeling overwhelmed and frustrated that we're even in this situation. My sister stopped by to see if we wanted to go to dinner with her and her two boys. I kinda felt like I was on the verge of a meltdown - so I told her that I was going to pass on it. My husband was downstairs and he seemed like he wanted to go - so I changed my mind and decided to go. I felt like I could probably keep it together through dinner. Well...I didn't even make it to the restaurant before the tears just started pouring down my face. It totally caught my poor husband way off guard. He asked if I wanted to turn around - but I told him I'd be okay. I calmed down, wiped my tears, and we made it to dinner. Towards the end of dinner my sister asked what the next steps were going to be - I was afraid I'd start crying so I just had to say that I didn't want to talk about it right now. (Looking back, I should've said "I can't talk about it right now." Sorry, Shuri!) I told her that I would call Dr. Williams in the morning and see whether we could move forward with the next treatment. But that's about all I could say. On the way home - the tears came out again. And then even after we got home and were watching the Reds game. One might think I was crying because we were watching baseball - but it really wasn't that. ;) I don't know - all of the crying was really kinda surprising to me. I guess I just had too many distractions with our Saturday night plans, work on Sunday, baseball game, etc... that I maybe just didn't have time for it to really sink in until last night. Later that night, we walked down the street to wish my dad a happy birthday at my sister's house! It was nice to see him and hear about his bike race in Pittsburgh. So proud of him and lucky to have him in our lives. Just wish we could've given him some good news to go along with his gift cards.
This morning I called Dr. Williams' nurses and left them voicemail saying that my period showed up and we'd like to move forward with the next step. Nancy called me back and said that they would need me to come in for a baseline ultrasound either today or tomorrow. (The ultrasound is to make sure I don't have any cysts leftover from this past treatment cycle.) I asked her what the timeline would be and was surprised at her response. She said they'd have me start the shots tomorrow night, come in for an ultrasound and blood test on Friday, come back in on Monday for another ultrasound and blood test, and then probably do the IUI towards the end of that week (June 20-22). I called my husband to talk it out and we decided to take this month off and move forward on the next cycle. We have plans to go to my husband's hometown for the annual member/guest golf tournament the weekend of the 22nd and he was going to head over there on Thursday (June 21). And I have all-day training at work on Wed, Thurs, and Fri of that week that could potentially coincide with the IUI date. I just feel like people may think it's weird that I'm missing part of the training for just a "doctor's appointment" and didn't really want to have to deal with it. Plus, I know my husband looks forward to playing in this tournament every year. We're thinking that the next cycle will put us somewhere towards the middle to end of July for the IUI - which fits better into our social calendar. I know there's never a good time - but with how we're feeling, I think a month off will probably be good for us. So with that - we are punting until next cycle!
On the drive home I called my sister and I explained why I couldn't talk about it all at dinner last night. I started crying a little bit towards the end of our conversation. I kinda thought I had used up all of my tears yesterday. It was good to talk to her though. I know it's hard on her, too. She just wishes she could make it all better.